Pregnant With Baby no. 4

Hi Everyone! I hope you are all having a fab start to the week. Such strange times we are living in at the moment so it was so lovely to be able to announce some happy news a few weeks ago amongst all this craziness. Children are the biggest blessing and sometimes I still cannot believe I am pregnant with our fourth child – it feels surreal and I feel so very very lucky.

One of the most asked questions I get during the Q&A’s I sometimes do is if we want more children and how long it took for me to get pregnant. I am always a little reluctant to talk about this in detail because I know that its not easy for everyone and its such an individual journey. Ive always been open about my desire to have a large family and feel so lucky that I have been able to have three children so easily. I remember being young and thinking I would love three boys and a girl. Life rarely works out exactly the way you plan or think it will but in this particular instance I feel like it has gone beyond all my expectations because of my three little girls. Before having children I wasn’t actually particularly broody and I was never the one who would instantly want to cuddle a baby. I knew a family was something I wanted but I was never in a hurry for it to happen. The first time I ever felt a really strong connection to a baby was when my brother had his first child at the end of 2013. My husband and I have been together for eleven years. Five years ago we were still relatively young, having a lot of fun and it was actually my husband that was really eager to start a family as soon as we got married and I was the one that took some convincing. However as soon as I fell pregnant with Mila in September 2015, I suddenly felt like I was finally exactly where I was supposed to be in my life and it felt like pregnancy and motherhood came naturally to me. I was surprised how at ease I felt.

I’ve touched upon it before but it took me a long time to figure out exactly who I was and what I wanted with my life. Although I was happy and overall I was content, for much of my twenties I felt a little lost and experienced some anxiety. I could never put my finger on exactly why but then the day I found out I was pregnant with Mila life wasn’t just about me anymore and it felt like everything just fell into place. I finally felt like I was exactly where i was supposed to be. Of course I have bad days and difficult days just like anyone else, but Ive never been happier in my life. Motherhood is such a different journey for everyone though – I know some find pregnancy really hard, I know some find the post-partum stage really hard. For me it just sort of worked out the opposite way – all the fears or anxieties I had in my twenties went away because I found meaning in my life when I had children. And that’s not to say there is anything wrong if you don’t feel that way. Its important to not compare and also to know that if you are suffering from any anxieties you aren’t alone – so many go through difficult stages.

I often get asked what books I recommend for first time mothers but I never really read any books – I wanted to learn through doing and I am so glad I did because every experience is so different. I don’t like to dish out advice because of that exact reason – every mother is different, every child is different, every circumstance is different. (Also Ive had lots of children but I’ve only been a mother for just over 4 years so don’t feel like Im that knowledgable haha!) But the best piece of advise I ever got was to go with my gut when it comes to your children and that has seen me through so many challenging times from when Mila was a little newborn to now. What I would say to any first time mother though is to not sweat the small stuff – in the long run most of those things really don’t matter. Some of my fondest memories of the first years were the challenging moments. We all bonded so much as a family. Neither my husband or I had a CLUE what we were doing but we were a family and worked together to come to a solution and those are the moments you will always remember and laugh about later.

Thats not to say I don’t love chatting to other mums and finding out what their experience of motherhood has been. I think it’s great and it’s what glues us mothers together. Just the other day I was chatting to someone I know who also has three children similar age gaps to ours, and she said she found going from 0-1 the hardest by far. I found this so interesting as for me 0-1 was a breeze, 1-2 was a breeze but 2-3 was SO hard. Truly it felt like a blur some of the time. As much as I love answering questions and always try to be helpful, this shows how it really differs from one family to another. I think it depends on the nature of your children, the age gaps you have, and many other things. When Luna was born it was a difficult transition, but I also knew that I wasn’t done if that makes sense. I am an eternal optimist and I knew we would get through the hard times and sure enough when she turned one it got SO much easier. Then lockdown happened and tested us as a family once more. Being confined to the house was challenging at times but it was again one of the most bonding experiences and one I think we will never forget. It also actually helped that there were three of them as they kept each other busy! The girls became closer than ever and it taught us all to value more than ever the simple things – I think most of us overcomplicate our lives and it made me realise that we actually need very little to be truly happy. My husband and I had always said we would talk about a fourth after Luna turned one and a few week’s before Mila’s 4th birthday we decided to start trying. Its funny because one night in bed I asked Mila what she wants for her birthday and she said a baby brother. I told her that I can’t promise her a baby brother but we would definitely try to give her one more sibling 🙂 A few weeks later I found out I was expecting our fourth.

 No matter how many children you have its always a bit of a pressure when you decide to try for a baby – you never know when you will get that positive pregnancy test. Just because you got easily pregnant once doesn’t mean you will again but I think its also important to try to not overthink it. Before we even decided to have our first baby I had multiple friends that had gone through challenges trying to get pregnant, or had suffered miscarriages so I was always aware that to have an easy journey was such a blessing. I often get asked if we hope our 4th is a boy but our desire for a big family has never been about gender – once you meet your baby you will never know or wish for anything different than that little person so a healthy baby is all I wish for.

I’ve also been asked a lot how I feel about having a baby during Covid. Honestly I try to not think about it too much – I don’t think there is ever an ideal time to have a baby and I just make sure I was my hands as much as possible, socially distance myself and stay away from places I know will be really busy. But my girls are at school and nursery because they want to be and its the right decision for us and so I can’t be entirely sure I won’t get Covid – I just hope for the best and do whatever I can to avoid getting it. I think its a strange time but we have to stay optimistic and make the best out of a not so great situation.

And the girls? I get lots of questions about how the girls are feeling about it. Mila is over the moon – every night at bedtime she comes back downstairs to find me multiple times and asks me if she can tell the baby something. She tells the baby about things they will do together when they are older and strokes the my tummy and says she can’t wait to meet the baby. Anoushka is excited but also tells me she has her own baby in her tummy – she is honestly SO funny and never fails to make us laugh. And Luna? My feisty little Luna has no idea and I don’t think she will be that thrilled about not being the baby of the family anymore. But what is lovely about doing this for the fourth time and having gone through these experiences a few times before is that I KNOW that once she adjusts they will be the best of friends.

I truly hope that for anyone there that is hoping to have a baby it happens for you quickly and I am so excited to share this journey with you all once more 🙂 xx

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